Tag Archives: Martian

Vignette from Working Novel “Lullaby”: They will take him…


She senses a shift in the light. It must be mid-morning, because the little yellow sun is marching across their bed like a terrorist. The light had been making shadow puppets against the inside her eyelids for the last twenty-minutes or so. When she opens them, she sees sunspots.

He’s still sleeping under the blanket; at least she thinks he is. He’s just a lump in the bed, a creature from a children’s story written in one of those big pop-up books with the thumb-thick black letters. She imagines that his nose is buried in a pillow, his mouth slack-jawed, lost in another one of his psychosexual dreams, like the one about her vagina really being the mouth of a red-velvet system of caverns leading to the crystal core of the planet. He said the secret to ending the war was hidden there, deep inside. The war didn’t make him any less of a pervert. Just a lazier one.

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Europa Lives! (someone snuggle with an astrobiologist)


Could the icy moon, Europa, harbor life within its icy seas? image source: http://photojournal.jpl.nasa.gov/catalog/PIA00502

Here on Mars we think we’re pretty hot shit being Martians and all, walking around giggling at Earthlings and their notoriously kludged skeletal systems. Looks like we may have some company in a third location of our sweet Milky Way Galaxy….Europa!

Europa, one of four Galilean moons to orbit the planet Jupiter may in fact host life similar to that living in the deep seas of the planet Earth. It is thought that Europa is made of an icy crust some 60 miles deep and -300o oF cold. The surface is basically ice covering layers of freezing subsurface salty ocean, a rocky interior, a silicate mantle and finally a metallic core. Sounds like a lovely place to park it and set up a family? If you say “yes,” you’re among many potential Europeans — as well as the notorious Yeti of the Earthly Himalayans, burrrrrr.

The frozen ocean, sandwiched between the icy surface and rocky mantle of Europa, is what Astrobiologists, those who study life throughout the universe, are really interested in when they think about Europa. They believe that chemosynthetic organisms may exist in the arctic subsurface of Europa. These chemosynthetic buggers are creatures that use carbon and nutrients to create organic matter, without needing to use Sun’s energy — unlike the majority of species on Earth. Tube worms and Archaea living in the deep subsurface oceans near thermal vents on Earth do this sort of energy conversion badassery on a daily basis, so what’s to stop it from happening on Europa!? Scientists also think chemosynthetic organisms used to live right here…on Mars! Continue reading

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The National Reporter: Martian Brothel Spotted . . . on Mars


Ace Flashman of The National Reporter has spotted our little establishment on the surface of Mars.

It’s gotten a little rundown, since the little green men moved on to Alpha Centauri after they lost all their laser gun stocks in the interplanetary economic downturn.

But the oldest profession in the galaxy is still open for business. So, hop on your rocket and come and see us sometime!

P.S.

Earthlings: Ask Obama to send some bail-out money our way. Preferably with one of those Mars Rovers. They make great pets.

Click here to read Flashman’s full article.

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Take Us to Your Leader, then Hang Us on Your Wall


In an effort to prepare you Earthlings for the coming carange, the Department of Maritan Imperial Propaganda has re-released Topps 1962 Mars Attacks trading card series as art prints.

Not to be confused with the Topps inspired 1996 Burton film Mars Attacks!, these prints were orginally censored by Earth governments due to the cards’ violent and sexual content. We always though Eathlings were a little bit prude. Continue reading

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