Right now, I’m sitting at my desk, listening to Beethoven and doing this:
Seriously. It’s a literal party in my pants that only I’m invited to.
Want play a symphony with your booty too? Don’t just sit on your ass!
Get yourself some ass-olations with these helpful rump-shakin’ tips and tricks that I learned from Nicole Da Pole Williams, owner of Los Angeles’ Pole Dance Allure. Continue reading
As the candidate sure to beat that socialist, baby-killing incumbent, Rick “Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter” Santorum will spend his first day in office detaining you at Guantanamo for all your yoga and blowjobs. You will be chained to a rock, naked and pregnant, by Santorum’s legion of Abercrombie youth group members. Then, while you’re cold and alone and left to give birth to your gay best friend’s gay-by, a mob of Catholic priests will take a break from their Cuban slave-boy auction to tase you for each non-procreative orgasm you’ve ever had.
The childhood of a 1980s Toys-R-Us kid summed up in one simple image.
Gives a whole new meaning to Ku(brick), doesn’t it?
This is what happens when Dr. Peter Venkman decides to put away the proton-pack in pursuit of being the Key Master:
If Bill Murray says he will not appear in Ghostbusters 3, please do NOT make the movie.
Blade Runner Actress Sean Young (a.k.a. Replicant Rachael) went a little slap happy Sunday night at the Governor’s Ball after-party following the Oscars, when she allegedly assaulted a Blade Runner (a.k.a. low-wage Security Guard).
According to TMZ, the 52 year-old sci-fi siren and recovering alcoholic was taking photos with her friends near the entrance of the Governor’s Ball(s), when her wires got crossed with a security guard. Realizing that Young did not have a ticket to the ball (what is this a f#cking fairy tale) Continue reading
“Today a young [storm trooper on mushrooms] realized that all matter is mearly energy condensed through a slow vibration, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we are the imaginations of ourselves… Here’s Tom with the weather.” — Bill Hicks
Here’s the video: Continue reading
For those of you who can’t get enough of The Surreal Life: GOP Edition, Bill Maher is actually going to be streaming his newest comedy special in real-time on the internet tonight… and it’s all about Crazy Stupid Politics.
Crazy Stupid Politics is “the first stand-up comedy concert ever streamed live on the Internet” and the first installment of the Yahoo! Screen Live Standup Series, which promises to Continue reading
I’ll be out of town this weekend, so I wanted to leave you with one of my favorite viral videos of the year: “Symphony of Science (or We all All Connected.)”
It’s like an auto-tuned musical symphony of molecular strings composed of:
Two parts Sagan’s classic 1970s television series Cosmos.
One part Dr. Neil Tyson.
A dash of Bill Nye the science guy.
Slowly mix in a tablespoon of dopamine, a teaspoon of Broca’s brain, and one cup of wonder
Bake at the temperature of a thousand suns.
Sprinkle with star dust.
Let cool.
Serves infinity. Continue reading
Eddie Izzard, this is God! (in squeaky Mike Tyson voice)
I mean, this is God! (adjust to deep, throbbing James Earl Jones voice) Eddie, I just want you to know that I love “praying dinosaur” and I think you should nurture and develop him and watch him grow into a cold-blooded televangelist preacher. I would totally send him money at 2am, even though I’m God and don’t need to because I would really just be sending money to myself. Okay, this is kind of an awkward voice message. How do I delete it? (sound of banging) Damn iPhone! I’ll kill Steve Jobs. Wait, I already did that. Oh, fuck it. I’ll let this girl get on with her bloody blog post…
Thanks, God. You are going to make me go over my word count. Sheesh.
So, I attended one of Izzard’s midnight shows at the Largo this week. This wasn’t my first time seeing him. Back in 2000, I (accompanied by a motley crew of subversively funny nerd girls) embarked on an epic 20-hour Amtrak train ride from Tampa to Philadelphia just to see him perform at the Painted Bride. (Don’t worry, we were drunk the entire time). Last night, I was only in the car for about 10 minutes. (Sigh, I was sober.)
Since, Izzard was basically bouncing jokes off the audience I wanted to do a rundown of his most humorous highlights. So, without ado, I present my favorite gems from the 90-minute rib-cracking stream-of-consciousness mind adventure he took us on: Continue reading
The Republican National Committee (RNC) tried its hand at political humor this Valentine’s Day, creating 18 satirical Valentines meant to mock prominent Democratic leaders.
Don’t get me wrong, I think that using humor to express political differences and grievances is a much healthier expression of GOP rage than irrational Tea Party protests, birth certificate conspiracy banter and the stockpiling of guns. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the effort towards a more sophisticated level of political discourse. But these cards aren’t that funny. They fall as flat as the flat-screen monitor you’re viewing them on.
Let’s face it, any liberal comedian can take a much better stab at Obama or Pelousi. And comedians like John Stewart do it almost daily.
It’s a good effort on the RNC’s part to try to elevate their image from angry white men to masters of meme, but these don’t really hit the mark as far as the craft of comedy goes… at least in my opinion. But, hey, take a gander and decide for yourself. Continue reading
If you are an Angelino and you love Eddie Izzard, then get thee to the Largo tonight… or any night (except for Wednesday) this week. Izzard is showcasing all-new material from Stripped… and it’s only $30. Um, why are you still reading this post, when you could be purchasing tickets here?
I got my tickets and I’ll give you the down-low on his new material in the next couple of days…
The Bible says that when the world goes to shit, blood will rain down and fill our Six Flags slides with summer fun and excitement. Flowing down deluged sub-development streets, blood rivers will send Hummers awash over strip malls. Indeed, as Slayer reminds us in their 1986 song, Raining Blood, “the sky is turning red / return to power draws near.” …
Aw, look. It’s a “Love Robot” by Rebekieb at Teefury.com.
It’s almost like that “Robot Love” poem I wrote last week… but inverted in name… and definitely in sentiment… but not every robot is as hard as his metal.
Here are some other TeeFury designs I wish I had snagged this week: Continue reading
