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Jun 11 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Science Fiction

Why Films Like Prometheus are Driving Me to Alcoholism


There is a reason why I have to get drunk to go to the movies these days and its name is Prometheus. Prometheus – now a mythological symbol for everything that is wrong with contemporary Hollywood filmmaking – is an over-hyped, over budgeted, unoriginal spin-off that proves Hollywood is becoming an irrelevant medium for powerful storytelling. In the words of Hudson from Aliens: GAME OVER, MAN. GAME OVER!

Just to be clear, I came into this movie with low expectations. I wasn’t expecting it to be a sci-fi masterpiece in the same league with Alien, Aliens or Blade Runner. However, I was looking forward to an above average film that would chill and thrill me. Maybe even make me think a little, like District 9 or Surrogates. Not mind-blowing. Just a nice ride from one of my all-time favorite directors. Boy, was I wrong. (Luckily, I remembered to bring four little bottles of Jack Daniels in my purse).

What’s wrong with Prometheus? Let me count the ways (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT)… Continue reading →

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Apr 02 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Culture, Music Video

David Lynch’s New Music Video “Crazy Clown Time” is a Lot like One of His Movies (Or Music Walk With Me)


David Lynch’s new music video “Crazy Clown Time” is kinda black lodge magic on meth. You know,  “Twin Peaks” but with more tits and tats and less trees.

Yeah. I know. I have a hangover just watching it. (The good kind). It’s got the same throbbing soundscape as “Fire Walk With Me” and just as many throbbing, lost girls and sadistic men. The whole scene reminds me of some debauched mid-semester college party where I lost my sense of morality circa 2002. If you find it, keep it. Who knows who she’s been sleeping with.

 

 

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Mar 23 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Dance, Wit

Video: Butt Cheek Power! (Or Martian Brothel’s Official Guide to Ass-olations)


Right now, I’m sitting at my desk, listening to Beethoven and doing this:

Seriously. It’s a literal party in my pants that only I’m invited to.

Want play a symphony with your booty too? Don’t just sit on your ass!

Get yourself some ass-olations with these helpful rump-shakin’ tips and tricks that I learned from Nicole Da Pole Williams, owner of Los Angeles’ Pole Dance Allure. Continue reading →

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Mar 22 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Culture, Gaming

GeomentricPorn Rejected by Apple (Hey, Baby. Let’s Do It Parallelogram)


You don’t have to be a mathematician or a geometry fan to know that the human body (and all of its naughty parts) are made up of shapes. Just get an eye full of this screen grab from the new interactive app GeometricPorn.

What is this a picture of?

Oh, yeah.  I don’t know about you, but the entire area of my computer screen steamed up in obtuse love triangles. Continue reading →

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Mar 06 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Culture, Wit

Come Play with Us… Come Play with Us Forever and Ever… (or Some Legos Have A Shine to Them)


The childhood of a 1980s Toys-R-Us kid summed up in one simple image.

Gives a whole new meaning to Ku(brick), doesn’t it?

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Mar 02 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Science Fiction, Wit

Bill Murray Dooms Ghostbusters 3 (Gozer Worshipers Celebrate in NYC)


This is what happens when Dr. Peter Venkman decides to put away the proton-pack in pursuit of being the Key Master:

If Bill Murray says he will not appear in Ghostbusters 3, please do NOT make the movie.

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Feb 29 2012
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Arts & Entertainment

My First Rock-N-Roll Crush is Dead (R.I.P. Davy Jones)


There is no two-ways around it. I’ve loved only two David Jones’ in my life: David Bowie and the late Davy Jones. And I have to admit, I loved this Davy first.

When I was 7, I thought love was just in fairy tales... then I saw his face.

Davy Jones died in Florida today. He was 66. For those of you who think Mr. Jones is just some trivial teen idol, think about this: In the late 60s, The Monkees made  Davy Jones so famous that another young musician named David Jones had to change his last name to Bowie.

The Monkees was my first concert. My first (and only) boy band obsession. And possible the world’s first corporate-created rock group. But, I don’t care. The Monkees gave me an eternal love with goofy boys with shaggy hair. Continue reading →

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Feb 27 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Events, Nightlife, Science Fiction, Wit

News: Blade Runner Babe Sean Young Arrested for Battery (or Rachael Goes Haywire)


Blade Runner Actress Sean Young (a.k.a. Replicant Rachael) went a little slap happy Sunday night at the Governor’s Ball after-party following the Oscars, when she allegedly assaulted a Blade Runner (a.k.a. low-wage Security Guard).

According to TMZ, the 52 year-old sci-fi siren and recovering alcoholic was taking photos with her friends near the entrance of the Governor’s Ball(s), when her wires got crossed with a security guard. Realizing that Young did not have a ticket to the ball (what is this a f#cking fairy tale) Continue reading →

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Feb 27 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Poltics, Wit

Monday Memes (or Newt’s Ultimate Dream)


Can has votes?

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Feb 22 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Culture, Events

Black Rock City in a Box (or Didn’t Get a 2012 Burning Man Ticket? Neither Did They)


Didn’t get the gold-dust covered ticket to the 2012 edition of Burning Man? Neither did the peeps who built this LEGO Burning Man set.

Created in New York by @simonpearcelive and @maryelisechavez

Like so many of us,  Simon Pearce and Mary Elise Chavez got screwed by Burning Man’s not-so-genius ticket lottery system this year.

But, like all good little burners, they refused to get left out of the playa. So, they brought the playa to their living room and “gifted” themselves with this  “instant theme camp in a box” (modeled after the Spacecats’ Hammock Hangout camp.)

“We were sad when we got no tickets this year, so we decided to create a mini-burn out of legos! Then it got out of hand… “

Check out just  how “out of hand” their LEGO art project got below. This miniature theme camp has everything from playa bunny to art car to sparkle pony: Continue reading →

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Feb 20 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Culture, Internet, Poltics

Monday Memes (Or Uh-Oh! Someone Just Made a Monday Happy)


If you like these memes, go to my Cheezburger site and vote for them please!

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Feb 19 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Science

Home Sweet Home (or the Dunes of Mars)


This picture was captured last month by the High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) camera on board the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter:

 

 

These sand dunes are  trapped in an impact crater in the Noachis Terra region of Mars.  Sand dunes are among the most widespread wind-formed features on Mars and a great place to camp with proper shelter (it gets a bit blustery). Of course, you have to go with the right extraterrestrials… Continue reading →

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Feb 17 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Culture, Internet, Music, Religion, Science, Wit

Sagan’s Symphony of the Universe (or Pull on My String Theory)


I’ll be out of town this weekend, so I wanted to leave you with one of my favorite viral videos of the year: “Symphony of Science (or We all All Connected.)”

It’s like an auto-tuned musical symphony of molecular strings composed of:

Two parts Sagan’s classic 1970s television series Cosmos.
One part Dr. Neil Tyson.
A dash of Bill Nye the science guy.
Slowly mix in a tablespoon of dopamine, a teaspoon of Broca’s brain, and one cup of wonder
Bake at the temperature of a thousand suns.
Sprinkle with star dust.
Let cool.
Serves infinity. Continue reading →

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Feb 17 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Internet, Wit

Friday Sacrifice!


Lolz by Meowcedes (can has votes?)…

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Feb 16 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Science Fiction Gallery

Do Blade Runner LEGOS Dream of Electric Sheep? (or More LEGO Than LEGO)


You’re in a desert, walking along in the sand, when all of a sudden you look down…  and see…

LEGO builder Legohaulic created this collection to commemorate the upcoming Blade Runner sequel (prequel).

Are those real LEGOS? Or replicant LEGOS? You have to play to find out!

Now, the whole family can track down and retire replicants with this Blade Runner LEGO set.

Lead a Death Murder Squad attack against your sister with Pris, Leon, or Zhora. Take Deckard and Rachael for a joyride in his suave Spinner.  Or recite Roy Batty’s “tears in the rain” monologue (alone in your room, in your underwear, crying). Collect them all!

I’d say I liked their owl, but I don’t see one: Continue reading →

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Feb 16 2012
3 Comments
Arts & Entertainment, Events, Nightlife, Poltics, Religion, Wit

Eddie Izzard Experiments with New Material from “Stripped,” Talks About Spiritual Atheism (or Jokes I Think He Should Keep)


Eddie Izzard, this is God! (in squeaky Mike Tyson voice)

I mean, this is God! (adjust to deep, throbbing James Earl Jones voice) Eddie, I just want you to know that I love “praying dinosaur” and I think you should nurture and develop him and watch him grow into a cold-blooded televangelist preacher. I would totally send him money at 2am, even though I’m God and don’t need to because I would really just be sending money to myself. Okay, this is kind of an awkward voice message. How do I delete it? (sound of banging) Damn iPhone! I’ll kill Steve Jobs. Wait, I already did that. Oh, fuck it. I’ll let this girl get on with her bloody blog post…

Thanks, God. You are going to make me go over my word count. Sheesh.

So,  I attended one of Izzard’s midnight shows at the Largo this week. This wasn’t my first time seeing him. Back in 2000, I (accompanied by a motley crew of subversively funny nerd girls) embarked on an epic 20-hour Amtrak train ride from Tampa to Philadelphia just to see him perform at the Painted Bride. (Don’t worry, we were drunk the entire time). Last night, I was only in the car for about 10 minutes. (Sigh, I was sober.)

Since, Izzard was basically bouncing jokes off the audience I wanted to do a rundown of his most humorous highlights. So, without ado, I present my favorite gems from the 90-minute rib-cracking stream-of-consciousness mind adventure he took us on: Continue reading →

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Feb 16 2012
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Arts & Entertainment Video

Beyond the Black Rainbow Gets Picked up for Theatrical Release (or Wanna Get F#cked-up? Watch This Trailer)


I just watched the trailer for Beyond the Black Rainbow and I feel like my brain has been microwaved in unicorn guts.

Since my neurons are spasming and slathered in the sparkly bile of sci-fi enchantment, I’m having trouble putting together a coherent summary of what I’ve just seen. So, I will borrow from the film’s plot summary.

Beyond the Black Rainbow, written and directed by Panos Cosmatos, is a Reagan-era fever dream inspired by hazy childhood memories of midnight movies and Saturday morning cartoons. Cosmatos brings a bold, Kubrickian vision to the screen in stunning detail in this sci-fi fable of a young woman imprisoned in an experimental laboratory and the enigmatic scientist who is her captor. Set in a futuristic 1983, Elena finds herself held against her will in a mysterious facility under the watchful eye of the sinister Dr. Barry Nyle. Pushed to her limits, Elena is left with no choice but to navigate an escape from her labyrinthine prison, in the process revealing its hidden secrets.

Watch this, if you want to trip the f#ck out. Continue reading →

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Feb 15 2012
2 Comments
Arts & Entertainment, Poltics, Religion

5 Topics the GOP Should Be Talking About (Or What Would Jesus Really Do?)


Tired of hearing the GOP talk about fake issues like gay marriage, birth control and religion in schools, when we have real problems to contend with?

Me too.

If all the GOP candidates claim to be Christian, shouldn’t they follow Christ’s example and care about the “meek,” instead of tax cuts for the very rich?

I’m liberal atheist (obviously), but I borrow Gandhi’s quote when it comes to describing my stance on Christianity:

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

How in the hell (pun intended) does the religious right reconcile its political ideology with Jesus’ teachings? The cognitive dissonance is impressive.

What the GOP should really be asking is: What would Jesus do? And what would he be talking about in 2012? Continue reading →

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Feb 14 2012
2 Comments
Arts & Entertainment, Culture, Poltics, Wit

The RNC Sends Obama a Valentine (Aw, the GOP Tries to Make a Funny)


The Republican National Committee (RNC) tried its hand at political humor this Valentine’s Day, creating 18 satirical Valentines meant to mock prominent Democratic leaders.

Don’t get me wrong, I think that using humor to express political differences and grievances is a much healthier expression of GOP rage than irrational Tea Party protests, birth certificate conspiracy banter and the stockpiling of guns. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the effort towards a more sophisticated level of political discourse. But these cards aren’t that funny. They fall as flat as the flat-screen monitor you’re viewing them on.


Let’s face it, any liberal comedian can take a much better stab at Obama or Pelousi. And comedians like John Stewart do it almost daily.

It’s a good effort on the RNC’s part to try to elevate their image from angry white men to masters of meme, but these don’t really hit the mark as far as the craft of comedy goes… at least in my opinion. But, hey, take a gander and decide for yourself. Continue reading →

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Feb 14 2012
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Arts & Entertainment, Internet, Religion, Wit

Everyone’s Really an Atheist, Even Kittens


Aw. This meme is so cute it warms my imaginary soul.

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