Author Archives: Shanon

Vignette from Working Novel “Lullaby”: They will take him…


She senses a shift in the light. It must be mid-morning, because the little yellow sun is marching across their bed like a terrorist. The light had been making shadow puppets against the inside her eyelids for the last twenty-minutes or so. When she opens them, she sees sunspots.

He’s still sleeping under the blanket; at least she thinks he is. He’s just a lump in the bed, a creature from a children’s story written in one of those big pop-up books with the thumb-thick black letters. She imagines that his nose is buried in a pillow, his mouth slack-jawed, lost in another one of his psychosexual dreams, like the one about her vagina really being the mouth of a red-velvet system of caverns leading to the crystal core of the planet. He said the secret to ending the war was hidden there, deep inside. The war didn’t make him any less of a pervert. Just a lazier one.

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Why Films Like Prometheus are Driving Me to Alcoholism


There is a reason why I have to get drunk to go to the movies these days and its name is Prometheus. Prometheus – now a mythological symbol for everything that is wrong with contemporary Hollywood filmmaking – is an over-hyped, over budgeted, unoriginal spin-off that proves Hollywood is becoming an irrelevant medium for powerful storytelling. In the words of Hudson from Aliens: GAME OVER, MAN. GAME OVER!

Just to be clear, I came into this movie with low expectations. I wasn’t expecting it to be a sci-fi masterpiece in the same league with Alien, Aliens or Blade Runner. However, I was looking forward to an above average film that would chill and thrill me. Maybe even make me think a little, like District 9 or Surrogates. Not mind-blowing. Just a nice ride from one of my all-time favorite directors. Boy, was I wrong. (Luckily, I remembered to bring four little bottles of Jack Daniels in my purse).

What’s wrong with Prometheus? Let me count the ways (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT)… Continue reading

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David Lynch’s New Music Video “Crazy Clown Time” is a Lot like One of His Movies (Or Music Walk With Me)


David Lynch’s new music video “Crazy Clown Time” is kinda black lodge magic on meth. You know,  “Twin Peaks” but with more tits and tats and less trees.

Yeah. I know. I have a hangover just watching it. (The good kind). It’s got the same throbbing soundscape as “Fire Walk With Me” and just as many throbbing, lost girls and sadistic men. The whole scene reminds me of some debauched mid-semester college party where I lost my sense of morality circa 2002. If you find it, keep it. Who knows who she’s been sleeping with.

 

 

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Video: Butt Cheek Power! (Or Martian Brothel’s Official Guide to Ass-olations)


Right now, I’m sitting at my desk, listening to Beethoven and doing this:

Seriously. It’s a literal party in my pants that only I’m invited to.

Want play a symphony with your booty too? Don’t just sit on your ass!

Get yourself some ass-olations with these helpful rump-shakin’ tips and tricks that I learned from Nicole Da Pole Williams, owner of Los Angeles’ Pole Dance Allure. Continue reading

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GeomentricPorn Rejected by Apple (Hey, Baby. Let’s Do It Parallelogram)


You don’t have to be a mathematician or a geometry fan to know that the human body (and all of its naughty parts) are made up of shapes. Just get an eye full of this screen grab from the new interactive app GeometricPorn.

What is this a picture of?

Oh, yeah.  I don’t know about you, but the entire area of my computer screen steamed up in obtuse love triangles. Continue reading

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President Santorum Frothy Chocolate Cream Pie

Reblogged from Apocalypse Cakes:

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As the candidate sure to beat that socialist, baby-killing incumbent, Rick “Frothy Mixture of Lube and Fecal Matter” Santorum will spend his first day in office detaining you at Guantanamo for all your yoga and blowjobs. You will be chained to a rock, naked and pregnant, by Santorum’s legion of Abercrombie youth group members. Then, while you’re cold and alone and left to give birth to your gay best friend’s gay-by, a mob of Catholic priests will take a break from their Cuban slave-boy auction to tase you for each non-procreative orgasm you’ve ever had.

Read more… 146 more words

Possibly the only thing on their blog I DON'T WANT TO EAT.
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Xenomorphs Make Killer Heels (Or These Shoes Don’t Say F#ck Me; They Say F#ck You)


These heels won’t only turn some heads; they will rip them f#cking off.

Inspired by H.R. Giger’s x-rated Xenomorph from the Alien franchise,  the late Alexander McQueen designed these Giger-gasmic pumps  back in 2010. But they feel so 23rd Century, don’t they?

"Get away from them, you bitch! They're mine!"

Remember, in order to walk in these monster heels, I suggest taking steps in “short, controlled bursts” of sexiness.

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Come Play with Us… Come Play with Us Forever and Ever… (or Some Legos Have A Shine to Them)


The childhood of a 1980s Toys-R-Us kid summed up in one simple image.

Gives a whole new meaning to Ku(brick), doesn’t it?

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Sweet E’s New Cupcakes Might Get You Drunk (Or I Can Hope)


I’m not usually a very sweet blogger (let’s face it, I’m a bit of a crazy fiery-hearted bitch), but I do have a weakness for sweet stuff… of any kind.

My apartment is a very, very short walk to the famed micro-bakery Sweet E’s. I attribute my love handles to my love of their mini sinckerdoodle cupcakes, cookies and cream cakepops and peanut butter bliss bars. But this month, both the Irish sweet-a-holic and alcoholic in me will have something to buzz over.

May I present the Bailey’s Irish Cupcake:

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Bill Murray Dooms Ghostbusters 3 (Gozer Worshipers Celebrate in NYC)


This is what happens when Dr. Peter Venkman decides to put away the proton-pack in pursuit of being the Key Master:

If Bill Murray says he will not appear in Ghostbusters 3, please do NOT make the movie.

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My First Rock-N-Roll Crush is Dead (R.I.P. Davy Jones)


There is no two-ways around it. I’ve loved only two David Jones’ in my life: David Bowie and the late Davy Jones. And I have to admit, I loved this Davy first.

When I was 7, I thought love was just in fairy tales... then I saw his face.

Davy Jones died in Florida today. He was 66. For those of you who think Mr. Jones is just some trivial teen idol, think about this: In the late 60s, The Monkees made  Davy Jones so famous that another young musician named David Jones had to change his last name to Bowie.

The Monkees was my first concert. My first (and only) boy band obsession. And possible the world’s first corporate-created rock group. But, I don’t care. The Monkees gave me an eternal love with goofy boys with shaggy hair. Continue reading

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News: Blade Runner Babe Sean Young Arrested for Battery (or Rachael Goes Haywire)


Blade Runner Actress Sean Young (a.k.a. Replicant Rachael) went a little slap happy Sunday night at the Governor’s Ball after-party following the Oscars, when she allegedly assaulted a Blade Runner (a.k.a. low-wage Security Guard).

According to TMZ, the 52 year-old sci-fi siren and recovering alcoholic was taking photos with her friends near the entrance of the Governor’s Ball(s), when her wires got crossed with a security guard. Realizing that Young did not have a ticket to the ball (what is this a f#cking fairy tale) Continue reading

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Photos: Mountain Brothel (or The Whore Houses of Mosquito Gulch, Colorado)


So, on my tour of Earth, I’ve found myself snowbound in a remote cabin in the Colorado Rockies. And you wouldn’t believe what I found… the remains of 19th Century Gold Rush Era brothels.

Yes, evidently cat houses do exist outside of Mars… and Nevada… although, these “love shacks” wouldn’t really put most of us in the mood.

"Gulch" is mountain speak for valley... Come on, seriously. Get your head outta the gutter...

But to the miners of Mosquito Gulch, these snow-covered cabins must have been the warmest places on Earth. Read on if you’re game for some vintage photo porn. Continue reading

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News: Storm Trooper Realizes The Force is Strong With Him


“Today a young [storm trooper on mushrooms] realized that all matter is mearly energy condensed through a slow vibration, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we are the imaginations of ourselves… Here’s Tom with the weather.”  — Bill Hicks

Here’s the video: Continue reading

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Tonight: Bill Maher Streams “Crazy Stupid Poltics” Live on the Internet (or the Future of Stand-Up Comedy is Yahoo?)


For those of you who can’t get enough of The Surreal Life: GOP Edition, Bill Maher is actually going to be streaming his newest comedy special in real-time on the internet tonight… and it’s all about Crazy Stupid Politics.

Crazy Stupid Politics is “the  first stand-up comedy concert ever streamed live on the Internet” and the  first installment of the Yahoo! Screen Live Standup Series, which promises to Continue reading

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Black Rock City in a Box (or Didn’t Get a 2012 Burning Man Ticket? Neither Did They)


Didn’t get the gold-dust covered ticket to the 2012 edition of Burning Man? Neither did the peeps who built this LEGO Burning Man set.

Created in New York by @simonpearcelive and @maryelisechavez

Like so many of us,  Simon Pearce and Mary Elise Chavez got screwed by Burning Man’s not-so-genius ticket lottery system this year.

But, like all good little burners, they refused to get left out of the playa. So, they brought the playa to their living room and “gifted” themselves with this  “instant theme camp in a box” (modeled after the Spacecats’ Hammock Hangout camp.)

“We were sad when we got no tickets this year, so we decided to create a mini-burn out of legos! Then it got out of hand… “

Check out just  how “out of hand” their LEGO art project got below. This miniature theme camp has everything from playa bunny to art car to sparkle pony: Continue reading

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Microchip Technology Ushers in a New Era of Telemedicine (or 5 Ways We Can Make You Take Your Medicine)


For those of you with a medicine cabinet overflowing with pharmaceuticals, the future has brought you a pill organizer in the form of a microchip that can be controlled by your doctor (or evil scientist) remotely.

A spoonful of sugar may make the medicine go down, but an implant makes sure you take your medicine in the first place.

Last week, a group of MIT researchers working with MicroCHIPS Inc. announced that they have successfully tested such a microchip. The study used programmable microchip implants to administer an osteoporosis drug called teriparatide to seven women aged 65 to 70. The results, published in the Feb. 16 online edition of Science Translational Medicine, showed that the microchip device delivered dosages comparable to injections, with no adverse side effects. Continue reading

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Home Sweet Home (or the Dunes of Mars)


This picture was captured last month by the High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) camera on board the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter:

 

 

These sand dunes are  trapped in an impact crater in the Noachis Terra region of Mars.  Sand dunes are among the most widespread wind-formed features on Mars and a great place to camp with proper shelter (it gets a bit blustery). Of course, you have to go with the right extraterrestrials… Continue reading

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